I feel unspeakably lonely. And I feel - drained. It is a blank state of mind and soul I cannot 

describe to you as I think it would not make any difference. Also it is a very private feeling I 

have that of melting into a perpetual nervous breakdown. I am often questioning myself what I

further want to do, who I further wish to be; which parts of me, exactly, are still functioning 

properly. No answers, darling. At all.