i think i can honestly say that this “friendship” we have, or whatever you wanna call it, is the perfect definition of a roller coaster type of relationship. to me, i have this negative tolerance towards you, but then there are those times where i miss you, where i miss those times where you would make jokes with me and make me laugh and talk about stupid stuff and we can just talk about whatever. then i begin to think about the negative aspects of you and the shit you put me through and it reminds of why i have to keep my distance from you in the first place. it just sucks because now i have no fucking clue how to rebuild what we used to have as friends and as much as i want to, i just don’t. fucking. know. how. to. and it sucks even more because i know you want to rebuild our friendship as well and that you’re trying, however i’m here being a complicated ass mother fucker.. maybe it’s just your words.. i’m beginning to think that the words are just not enough to convince me. you can say anything you want, all you want, but how would i know for sure that you would live up to what you say? it’s because i don’t see you as often as i can that causes me to over think and assume and linger on the past and its awful tracks. and it’s funny because i’ve told myself countless times over and over that i’ve stopped caring about you, when in all honesty, i haven’t. i’ll never forget you or the memories we shared, whether it be good or bad. i just don’t know  how to handle all of this. and i don’t know whether or not the stuff you says is the truth anymore. i’ve been lied to too many times. i keep on saying it, but i just don’t fucking know anymore.